Single or Not?

By Tommy Gee

It’s a question that’s often tossed out casually in conversation, but the answer—especially for someone like me—rarely lands without weight.

At over 50, never married, and without children, I’ve grown used to the reactions. Especially during the holidays. When I say I’m single, people don’t just hear a relationship status; they see a story they’re not sure how to interpret. Some offer quiet condolences, as if I’ve lost something dear. Others visibly recoil, unsure of what to say next—as though they’ve accidentally touched on a trauma.

It’s assumed there must be a backstory: a heartbreak, a loss, a failed marriage. Surely, they think, no one would choose to remain single and child-free. But in my case, that’s exactly what it is—a choice. One I made consciously, and one I continue to stand by with clarity and peace of mind.

There’s a sort of “scarlet letter” society assigns to people like me. You feel it in conversations, in family gatherings, in the way people glance sideways when the topic of marriage or children arises. There’s a discomfort that lingers, and a silent, unspoken question that often follows, “What went wrong?”

I understand where it comes from. After all, traditional paths are still very much the norm. The assumption is that fulfillment lies in partnership and parenthood—and if you’ve opted out, you must be missing something. But here’s the truth: I’ve never wanted to be a husband or a father. Not because I dislike the ideas, but because I know myself. And I’ve always known that those roles, while meaningful for many, are not meant for me.

That doesn’t mean I’m disconnected or aloof. Quite the opposite. I love romance. I enjoy the warmth of family. I cherish my friendships. I’m the fun uncle at holiday gatherings, the one who shows up with jokes and zero pressure to follow any script. And it’s a role I’ve come to whole-heartedly embrace.

Being single by choice doesn’t mean I don’t value connection. It simply means I’ve sought it in different forms. For me, companionship comes through community, hobbies, shared experiences, and meaningful conversations. I enjoy people—and their children, their spouses, their stories. I’ve just taken a different route through life, one that’s often questioned, but rarely understood for what it truly is: valid, intentional, and whole.

Still, I know many people are actively searching for their soulmate, and I respect that. But I’d also gently challenge the idea that you must always be looking for a partner. Some of life’s best surprises show up when you stop searching and start living.

If you’re hoping to meet new people—or even just rediscover yourself— start by stepping out of your comfort zone. Attend a local festival. Sign up for that dance class. Visit a farmer’s market, or volunteer at a community event. Try a cooking workshop or a local art walk. These are more than activities; they’re invitations to share experiences.

Some of the most enjoyable moments of my life came from simply saying “yes” to something new. And in those spaces, I’ve realized something beautiful: people are people. Whether married, single, divorced, or figuring it all out, we’re all seeking joy, connection, and meaning in our own ways.

You might not find your soulmate at a pottery class or local concert— but you just might find laughter, new friends, or a piece of yourself you didn’t know was missing.

So, whether you’re single by choice, by circumstance, or somewhere in between—know this: your worth is not tied to your relationship status. You don’t need to be searching to grow; you don’t need to be partnered to be complete.

Get out. Be spontaneous. Say “yes” to something unexpected. At the very least, you’ll make a memory. And at best? You might just find the kind of connection you weren’t even looking for.